stepping down

I wanted to write a bit about how I got through early recovery, because that certainly was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

After being in treatment, leaving & relapsing so many times, I knew I had to do something everything different.

It was key for me to have a very slow step-down process, as I hadn't had that before.
I was only in residential this last time for 47 days. Long enough to go through re-feeding and get on a (while minimal) basic meal plan. Also long enough to interrupt my purging & over-exercise habits.  My plan was to go to treatment (Monte Nido Vista) and then return home to my place at college (Northern California). It wasn't until about a week or two before my discharge date that I found out that transition housing was going to be an opportunity for me. Money was super tight, but I knew that I needed to go there for a least a little bit, so we made it work.
I moved into the transition house and attented PHP (EDCC-Eating Disorder Center, California) for 2 months.  It began as a 6 day a week program and slowly dropped down to 5 days, 4 etc. All while living at the transition house, where I recieved support from the other girls there & attended that group as well.  After 2 months, finances were short and it was time for me to leave. But...where? I didn't feel like I was done at EDCC, and I certainly wasn't ready to head home-there was no treatment in the area, not to mention that the idea of being back there triggered me like crazy!
I made the crazy decision to move to Los Angeles so I could stay on my treatment plan. (BEST. DECISION. EVER) I rented a room with some chick off craigslist, got a part time job and slowly stepped down from 4day PHP to IOP. IOP began at 4 days, but I was there for less of the day. Fewer groups, sessions and meals there. The key for me was to move SLOW with this.  As I got more comfortable and felt more steady on my feet, I moved down to 3 days and then 2.
Then it was time for me to start looking for a therapist.
I researched/got referrals and there were no therapists on my insurance plan that were very good with eating disorders. (I went to one lady & it was awful!)  The owner of Monte Nido/EDCC, Carolyn Costin gave me a name of someone to call, a therapist that trained with her and had worked at Monte Nido, but was now working at a 'not for profit'. I dragged my feet (a lot) but I finally called her & set up a meeting.
I don't remember if it was the first or second session when I fell in love with having her as my therapist! Seriously, a perfect fit for me.
Since she knew the treatment plan I was on, she agreed to work with me financially so that I could afford to see her frequently in the beginning. I saw her 3x/week for a long time.  Then, though it was because of scheduling conflicts and not because I felt "ready", we dropped down to 2 sessions a week. For well over a year and a half.
This whole time, I was being monitored by a team of doctors & my psychiatrist; Primary care physician, Cardiologist, Rheumatologist, Neurologist, Physical Therapist.  They we all in communication with each other which was amazing. I couldn't afford to see a Dietician, but would occasionally check in via email with my old RD.
Only recently, with 2.5years solid recovery, have I dropped down to 1 session per week with my therapist. Sometimes it feels like enough, sometime it doesn't feel like nearly enough support.
I moved out of LA when I had my baby, so the hardest part is not being near my support people, groups, friends etc. I actually have my therapy sessions via skype :)

Just wanted to really write out how slowly I stepped down. I easily got frustrated in the beginning that I wasn't "recovered already" or "recovered enough" and wanted it to go so quickly, but I got there, I'm getting there...it just takes time. and patience. and persistence. aaand honesty :)